The back alley's bill

Where it went

1. Stage 1 · Stop 1
   Why we need it: A need written without the people who run the Precinct: no way to change the escalators, a shop front taken out and a summer without them. +3 weeks
2. Stage 1 · Stop 2
   What we need: A borrowed order: 1,400 fields nobody uses, and the eleven they do use missing at handover. +4 weeks
3. Stage 1 · Stop 3
   Out to tender: A private answer, a wrong price, and a row nobody can settle without a record. +2 weeks
4. Stage 2 · Stop 1
   Should we bid?: A bid decided without reading the order: three months learning a system nobody priced. +3 weeks
5. Stage 2 · Stop 2
   The client's wish list: Page twelve unread at the bid: the asset data never asked for, and six weeks chasing it at handover. +6 weeks
6. Stage 2 · Stop 3
   Whose system is it anyway?: Two systems and no plan: three days a month reconciling, all job long. +3 weeks
7. Stage 2 · Stop 4
   Who's actually doing this?: No named people and three different packs: a stretched team and a variation from the cheapest subbie. +3 weeks
8. Stage 2 · Stop 5
   The promise: A copied promise: a major finding at audit, and four weeks rewriting it mid-job. +4 weeks
9. Stage 2 · Stop 6
   Can they actually do it?: Six ticks and no evidence: a firm that couldn't share drawings, found in month three. +2 weeks
10. Stage 2 · Stop 7
    Pricing the information work: The information work cut to win: nobody paid to test the Site Office, and five weeks untangling it. +5 weeks
11. Stage 2 · Stop 8
    The plan for day one: No plan for day one: no logins, drawings everywhere, and two weeks getting them back in one place. +2 weeks
12. Stage 2 · Stop 9
    What could go wrong?: Information risks nobody wrote down: two incidents, owned by nobody, with nothing ready. +2 weeks
13. Stage 2 · Stop 10
    What we sent: No record of what was sent: a week arguing about a promise nobody remembers writing. +1 week
14. Stage 2 · Stop 11
    Signed, sealed: Nobody read what was signed, and the subbies never got the order: two weeks re-papering every subcontract. +2 weeks
15. Stage 3 · Stop 1
    Bid handover: Commitments nobody handed over: two weeks finding out what the firm had promised, from the client. +2 weeks
16. Stage 3 · Stop 2
    Which one's the real one?: Three systems all calling themselves the real one: a rebuilt chamber wall and a Friday every week reconciling. +3 weeks
17. Stage 3 · Stop 3
    The plan grows up: A promise nobody updated after award: three answers to every question, and a lost weekend writing it backwards. +2 weeks
18. Stage 3 · Stop 4
    Requirements to every firm: The order never passed on: every firm drew in its own style, and four weeks of renaming and rework, paid for twice. +4 weeks
19. Stage 3 · Stop 5
    Who designs what: A join nobody designed: five weeks waiting for a chamber design, with a hole full of rain. +5 weeks
20. Stage 3 · Stop 6
    Who makes what, and when: A parts list nobody kept alive: two weeks lost drawing the inlet chamber in a hurry. +3 weeks
21. Stage 3 · Stop 7
    Ready before day one: A Site Office opened untested: three lost drawings, a fencing firm with the cost reports, and three weeks putting it right. +3 weeks
22. Stage 3 · Stop 8
    One model of the whole job: No shared coordinates: four weeks moving every model back to where the centre actually is. +4 weeks
23. Stage 4 · Stop 1
    What's already in the ground: A five-year-old survey: the ramp, levels and kerbs redesigned in month four. +4 weeks
24. Stage 4 · Stop 2
    Made to the rules: House rules instead of the project's rules: drawings that don't line up, and the wrong 042 picked from four. +2 weeks
25. Stage 4 · Stop 3
    Checked, actually: A tick instead of a check: a drain redesigned and re-dug in month five. +3 weeks
26. Stage 4 · Stop 4
    The night before: Laid out the night before: forty clashes sent to the client, and two weeks answering them. +2 weeks
27. Stage 4 · Stop 5
    Questions to the designer: An answer in a chat: a chamber made to the old drawing, recast, and nobody able to prove who agreed the change. +3 weeks
28. Stage 4 · Stop 6
    Authorised and accepted: Built from a photo of an unchecked drawing: a pipe dug up and relaid, and no proof of what site was given. +3 weeks
29. Stage 4 · Stop 7
    Shop drawings: A shop drawing straight to the factory: chambers cast from an old revision, and four weeks waiting for new ones. +4 weeks
30. Stage 5 · Stop 1
    Ordered off the current revision: Escalators ordered off the old spec, and a gang building from March prints: the wrong escalators, sixteen weeks for new ones, and everything else moved round them. +6 weeks
31. Stage 5 · Stop 2
    Briefing and permits: A briefing on the old version and a calculation nobody really checked: a slumped dig, a stopped lift and a redesigned crane pad. +3 weeks
32. Stage 5 · Stop 3
    Hold points: A pour with no inspection record: cores through a new slab, and three weeks proving what nobody wrote down. +3 weeks
33. Stage 5 · Stop 4
    Found on site: The rules nobody saw, a late notice to the wrong person, and a cable nobody wrote down: six weeks waiting and a claim that failed. +6 weeks
34. Stage 5 · Stop 5
    Site records: Records kept where floods and inboxes could eat them: re-tests, cores, and the dig stopped beside a cracked old Precinct. +3 weeks
35. Stage 5 · Stop 6
    Changes and instructions: Extra information work done because it was asked nicely: four months of evenings, no instruction, no payment. +4 weeks
36. Stage 5 · Stop 7
    Late, not extra: A delay nobody could prove: three weeks of a waiting gang, paid for by the firm. +3 weeks
37. Stage 5 · Stop 8
    Valuations: Measured from an old version, and a package nobody checked against acceptance: a fortnight arguing and six weeks waiting for the money. +3 weeks
38. Stage 5 · Stop 9
    The monthly report: A dashboard built from spreadsheets nobody owned: a forecast that was wrong for two months, and a fortnight rebuilding it. +2 weeks
39. Stage 5 · Stop 10
    It got out: Sensitive drawings with no gate round them: every sensitive drawing reissued and the controls re-secured. +6 weeks
40. Stage 5 · Stop 11
    The drawing in the van: An old copy in a van: a trench dug twice, and red-pen changes that never reached the designer. +2 weeks
41. Stage 5 · Stop 12
    Audit rehearsal: A rehearsal moved until it was too late: two weeks of scrambling, and ten gaps still open on audit day. +2 weeks
42. Stage 5 · Stop 13
    Audit day ★: No evidence where the assessor could see it: a major finding, corrective actions, a re-audit, and a framework bid that had to wait. +6 weeks
43. Stage 6 · Stop 1
    As-built: Design drawings stamped AS BUILT: a manhole that isn't where the record says, and a crew digging in the wrong place. +2 weeks
44. Stage 6 · Stop 2
    Commissioning certificates: Certificates in six places: a tested centre left locked for two weeks while they were found. +2 weeks
45. Stage 6 · Stop 3
    Manuals and asset data: Manuals written at the end and our numbers instead of theirs: three weeks of renumbering and rework. +3 weeks
46. Stage 6 · Stop 4
    The safety file: A safety file built in the last week from old documents: the handover held until it was right. +2 weeks
47. Stage 6 · Stop 5
    Signed out, signed for: Everything sent, nothing authorised: the client accepted nothing and payment was held while it was sorted. +4 weeks
48. Stage 6 · Stop 6
    It's all on the drive: Nobody closed the doors: the records deleted, a defect nobody could defend, and the leavers still logged in. +3 weeks
49. Stage 7 · Stop 1
    The first night shift: Procedures nobody could reach at night: a flooded service yard, an incident report, and Dave awake at 2am. +2 weeks
50. Stage 7 · Stop 2
    One year on, and five: A record that wasn't true: two weeks of digging, a repaired cable, and a night on generators. +2 weeks
51. Stage 7 · Stop 3
    Lessons into the next bid: Lessons nobody kept: the next bid priced the same mistakes, and started down the same back alley. +2 weeks

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